TIMES THAT TRYA WRITER'S SOUL
TIMES THAT TRY
A WRITER'S SOUL
by sonya hammond
Lately in any given week there are at least 3 new issues from which any satirist with even a drop of acid left in her computerized pen must in despair attempt to choose. We live in an era of the ridiculous elevated to the sublime.
Undecided as to the recent absurdity most deserving of a barrage, this writer decided to shoot at will.
The ideal that the country should be led by ethical politicians so obsesses our Congress that one wonders when its members will ever find time to take their spouses on fact-finding missions to such trouble spots as Paris or the Bahamas. After weeks of soul-searching the House Ethics Committee [pause for general merriment] somehow managed to agree that their Speaker*should be punished for violating ethical standards.
A formal reprimand and a $300,000 fine were imposed, along with somber pronouncements that these punishments would serve as the first steps to rehabilitation, a state of grace that the Speaker would presumably reach more rapidly if left to retain his position as the third man in line for the Presidency, rather than being demoted back to the ignominy of representing his constituents.
Now the Speaker must search what is left of his soul to decide whether or not he should pay his fine with funds donated to put him in the position that allowed him to violate ethics in the first place, and the IRS is pawing through documents that may prove him guilty of [gasp] tax law violations as though that would prove to be a first.
While as of this writing the jury had not convened to make their decision, one conclusion is inevitable. Neither a decision for or against the defendant will make the slightest bit of difference. His career, such as it was, is over. His integrity, such as it may have been, is shattered. Best of all, his relevance can be relegated to the Spiro T. Agnew Nolo Contendere Museum.
This nifty idea makes a presumption that would send any NYSE trader into fits of hysterical laughter ... that the market only goes up. It also presumes something equally amusing ... that the average citizen has a clue about how to invest in the market.
The Advisory Council was so enamored of their theory that it took only 752 pages in two volumes of incomprehensible jargon to explain how it would work, and their choice of 40% as the amount of the fund to be invested was rationalized by Robert Ball, a panel member and former SS Commissioner, as 'the amount that makes things come out,' although out of where is not specified.
I plan to remember that when doing my income tax this year. Let's see now, exactly how many deductions do I need to get a $4,873.26 refund?
Naturally there are anti-abortionists who deplore terrorist tactics in support of their cause, and they are quick to disassociate themselves from the perpetrators of such crimes. Without doubting their sincerity, one might still question the rhetoric that even more reasonable 'pro-lifers' often employ that could inspire their less inhibited followers to violence.
Flaunting horrendously graphic films of third-term abortions as though they were not only the norm, but were being performed capriciously and in great numbers, serves no purpose beyond the inflammatory.
Defining 'pro-choice' as 'pro-abortion' is not only inaccurate, it invites confrontation that can escalate far beyond the carrying of signs and picketing.
One sane non-violent answer for either side is that those who believe abortion is wrong should not have them, and no one is asking them to do so. Those who do have them, do so after making agonizing choices, choices they should have every right to make, choices they do not ask anyone else to make, choices no one else should make for them.
Stripped of rhetoric, it's really that simple.
* Newt
Gingrich
** OJ Simpson
© sonya hammond 1997