THREE
STRIKES, YOU'RE RICH!THREE
STRIKES, YOU'RE RICH!
BY SONYA HAMMOND
ROME, 30 SOMETHING, AD - Unless the two sides can reach agreement in the next few days, it now appears that a gladiator strike is inevitable, effectively ending the season for the Empire's national sport. Efforts of the Emperor to mediate between gladiators and owners have not led to compromise from either side, in spite of Imperial threats to execute everyone involved.
Among the points of disagreement is owner refusal to consider a health plan or safety standards for the athletes. Owners deplore the high cost of maintaining the health of men constantly subjected to life-threatening wounds. Predicting drastic drops in gate receipts should unwarranted considerations of safety be adopted, owners point out that hazardous conditions are endemic to the sport, and they are also united in their opposition to the Union of Gladiator Heroes' [UGH] demand for burial services. This unnecessary accommodation would be not only costly but time-consuming considering projected figures on sport-related demises.
For their part, owners insist that any agreement must include caps on athlete amenities if smaller markets such as Pompeii are to survive. UGH responded that it was hardly the athletes' fault that Vesuvius had eliminated most of the Pompeii area fans.
Owners feel that gladiator living conditions, luxurious by the standards of the average Roman who has never received an oil massage or been rewarded with female companionship at the end of a hard day's labor on an aqueduct crew, are non-negotiable.
They have also rejected UGH's demand for marble bathing facilities to replace the concrete tubs currently in use, and ignored complaints that 20 satin cushions per gladiator are insufficient to provide comfort during banquets they want increased from 34 to 43-course meals. Owners assert that since most of these fall in the 'last meal' category, comfort is hardly an issue.
The gladiators stand firm on their proposal to reduce the length of service needed to take retirement to arbitration, on the grounds that the current period of six years is rarely reached, thus offering owners considerable savings in pension payments.
But according to owners, UGH's most unreasonable demand would prohibit a presiding judge from giving a thumbs down verdict more than 3 times per year, as opposed to the current unlimited privilege. Owners protest that the public, to say nothing of the Emperor, would never stand for such leniency.
Insisting that due to their high overhead expenses they barely broke even last season, owners contend that gladiators simply do not understand business matters. The cost of maintaining training schools is high, and payments to slave traders for candidates in remote countries have skyrocketed as demand for more exotic athletes grows.
UGH negotiators respond that if gladiators refuse to fight, there will be no business, and so the impasse remains.
At the moment there are no plans for either side to return to the negotiating table, in spite of persistent rumors that the Emperor plans to motivate both sides by turning out the Praetorian Guard.
If, as appears likely, the threatened strike materializes, many industries dependent on the sport will suffer. Weapons manufacturers, doctors, laurel wreath providers, burial crews, body oil factories and professional female companions will face serious financial reversals. But, as always, it is the fans who will suffer most.
For the time being the public remains divided over which side is most at fault, but on one point they all agree. Thumbs are unanimously down on the Emperor's threat to replace professional gladiators with members of a new religious sect that has incurred his displeasure.
While some recognize that the Imperial suggestion of using underfed lions as opponents might stabilize the lion population and inspire misguided fanatics to return to the more conventional worship of Roman deities, it is unlikely that hard-core gladiator fans would ever pay to watch amateurs, regardless of their religious affiliation.
Note: Written in response to one of America's 'national sport' strikes, which resulted in players receiving even greater compensation in the millions for playing a game, owners raising ballpark prices to meet their shareholder dividends, and fans paying prices once considered high for a night at the opera.
©sonya hammond 1995